What If?

I live in a world of “what ifs”... a never ending cycle of doubt and worry, speckled with the occasional clarity that maybe everything will be fine. Opportunities are exciting only when they are in the distance. The minute opportunity knocks on the door, I’m afraid to open it. What if?

Every part of me wants nothing more than to grow and succeed, yet the progress is slow. Fear holds on to me like a leash around my neck. It controls my ability to run wild and free — it confines me to the zone of comfort. What lies beyond the zone walls? The future is unknown; I have no control… “what if?”

What if I make the wrong choice? What if I can’t do it? What if what I have now is better than what’s to come? What if?

I sit at my desk in an office I’ve resided in for the past 5 years. I hear my colleagues laughing in the halls — I want to join them, but I can’t. As I’m about to open “The Offer” from another company…… My hands shake as I double click the pdf file attached to the job offer email. Quickly I scan to the compensation. It’s not what I was hoping for — not at all. I breathe a sigh of relief, but only for a moment. I will, of course, counter. But not yet.

I will send an email at the end of the day with my counter, and then I will wait it out over the weekend. For now, I will relax and join my co-workers for a happy Friday.

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